The Power Of Forgiving Ourselves

There are times when faced with tough situations in life that I felt a sense of guilt as if somehow it was my fault. I reflected back on everything in my life that I had done wrong and immediately saw it as the reason for the adversity I was presently experiencing. In times such as this we tend to hold ourselves to harsher judgment then we do others. Suddenly those little things we did that seemed so small before are now these glooming bright blemishes on our lives and we see them as unforgivable and the possible cause for all that is wrong in our lives now. I suppose this is similar to the feelings of guilt that can be experienced by someone who has a family member pass away. All we can think of is 'What if I had done...?', 'If only I had been there...' or 'I wish I had told them....'

Some people linger at the stage of blaming themselves for a brief time and some much longer. There are no rules regarding how long it takes to cope with emotions as strong as these. However, I had to realize that I must face these feelings of guilt to put them to rest. I couldn't ignore it hoping it would go away because then the emotions would have only eaten away at me. One of my favorite sayings is 'the only way to get past something is through it'. We must travel through it to get to the other side. We can't side-step it or jump over it.

I had to begin this road to forgiveness by taking a look at the situation at hand. I had to look at what the facts were concerning the tough situation I was in the middle of. Was it something I had control over? Did I do what I thought was right? I had to learn to not focus on the "what ifs" and "if onlys" because they didn't exist for me since those are things you do not have control over and cannot change. I had to remind myself that forgiving is not something that I've never done before. Although forgiving myself was a whole new ballgame. I thought about the fact that I had forgiven my child of a mistake or for breaking something? I remembered the gentleness I felt toward my child or perhaps a parent or sibling over mistakes they had made. I thought about the forgiveness I have held in your heart for those who had wronged me. It's funny that we can readily forgive those around us, yet we can not seem to find compassion in our hearts for ourselves.

I came to the realization that I must try feeling some compassion for myself. I had to accept that those who love me have such compassion for me and if I could find a way to feel that for myself then I was well on the road to dealing with this. I knew that realization would allow me to see clearly the situation at hand and to see the potential blessing that had been bestowed on me. That's right blessing. This kindness and generosity to me would be the groundbreaking event which would lead to moving forward and getting past this tough time in my life.

I was raised that forgiveness is something to be sought after. We must search ourselves in-depth for the goodness we hold in our hearts so we can see the whole purpose of our lives. We must know that even though we make mistakes, we have problems, or we get off base in our journey through life instead of punishing ourselves in our thoughts and actions we should accept that we all make mistakes. We have an obligation to honor that goodness inside of us and the good qualities we have and the heart of compassion we have been given.

I personally played the blame game for a time and that kept me from forgiveness initially. I questioned my creator, the adversity and the situation I was in, I began the "Why me" syndrome? However, the important question I finally asked myself was "Don't you think it is time you offer forgiveness to yourself." Know this…, bad things happen in this sinful world and I could write a whole other story on the reasons they do but I'll save that for another day. What I grasped from all I experienced is this, that pain and suffering that we all bear can be turned around to do many good things. People who have met great challenges have done tremendous things and used it to bring blessings upon their own lives and the lives of others. Tough times can teach us so much about life.

We are often touched by the stories from people who show what seems as such courage and strength to overcome adversity. We must learn to look past the bad part of our situation and see the good that can come from it. Perhaps there is a hidden purpose for our life. Whatever life brings our way we should look for direction as to where this situation should lead us.

Emerging in Life

When we are faced with obstacles in our life or serious trials and tribulations we may feel as though we've been stopped dead in our tracks. Not knowing which way is up and definitely not which way is out. At first where ever we are stuck is the place where we go around in circles emotionally. Some people get stuck in a denial stage while others may be stuck in a mood of anger or sadness. Everyone reacts differently and there is no right or wrong way to respond to difficult circumstances. We have so many different thoughts going through our minds and as a result we are confused and often very frightened. However the time we spend lost in this emotional wilderness help us to dig deep within our souls and find our true self. We get in touch with who we are and we get in touch with our strength. I've came to the conclusion that this chaotic adventure is necessary in order for us to get through whatever it is we are facing. I believe that this is what gets us on the road to hope. We soon 'emerge' from this emotional wilderness into the full light that brings us hope and we 'emerge' as a stronger person with an attitude of acceptance and the determination to push on and get to the next level in store for our lives. It is just the road we must travel in order to reach the beginning of our new life.

The Beginning of Sharing

Well this is new for me to be sharing my life as if its an open book for all the world to see. I have been active online through communities and such but this is totally from a different perspective. I've been toying with the idea of creating an online blog to share my life as a diabetic but just kept putting it off. Well no more. Today's the day. So here goes. In my typical fashion I'm just going to jump in with both feet and go for it. Ok, both fingers on a keyboard...well....whatever, those reading this get the picture .

I'm sure at first it is going to be difficult for me to write openly in this new format but I hope to relax soon and fall into a mode of sharing my daily routine, momentary thoughts, quick ideas, emotions and fears here with no forethought. I'm rattling on and on right now in an attempt to get myself relaxed and my thoughts flowing. Oh no, when I do that it is hard to tell where this will lead. Hmmm, well that is what a blog is for so... I think as time passes my writings will get more in touch with what this blog is supposed to represent. For now I'll just write what comes to mind. I'll write what I'm feeling emotionally at any given moment or perhaps share what I've done that day or maybe just how I'm feeling physically. I'll just take each day one day at a time.

Putting my self out here exposed as this on a daily basis concerned me and is one reason I hesitated to do it before. I've always been a person that doesn't hesitate to lunge out there and jump right into things. I have very passionate ideas about things and often don't hesitate to share. I always run my mouth if you will and am always willing to share my story about how I've been affected by life in general. I do that in part because I'm a people person and just have a knack for opening up to the human spirit. I also like to help if I can. I'm nobody special but if by sharing my own experiences with them helps them cope a little better than it is something I'm eager to do.

Over the years I've had a lot of people appreciate the fact that I'm open and that I put myself out there. They can relate and I must say before I continue on this topic that the majority of people have been nothing but positive and supportive to me. 99.9 percent of my online activity and the people I've got to know online have been a very wonderful and special experience and have been nothing but supportive and kind. However, I'm sure others may criticize me or have negative opinions of me, about how open I am to talk about my life with diabetes. Well I came across a quote

“To escape criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing."
-- Elbert Hubbard, American author & publisher

This revealing moment made me realize that I am who I am. I like to be open, sharing with my thoughts and experiences. I like that part about me. I'm not going to change. I trust the human spirit and know that for the most part people will appreciate me for who I am. I'm kind of excited about this new blog now. When I began writing this I was hesitant but now I'm excited and looking forward to the time I spend in solitude writing here.